How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
You can't just leave with hair like that
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
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