just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
a search helicopter?!
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
