just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
