mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
