remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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