So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
