wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
