My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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