Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
