We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
