I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
