Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
