I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
