the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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