just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
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