I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
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