just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
