Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
