I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
