I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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