i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
just tell him i said nine months
i can't believe i had my finger in that
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
No subtext here. People are naked.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Randomize
