dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
