If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
