nut hugger
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
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