I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
