I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
