I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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