Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
