im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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