i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
