i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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