I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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