what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
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