he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
