How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
