i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
