Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
