we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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