I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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