I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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