i was born a porn star she said
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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