Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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