btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
