I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
She needs sedatives and a leash
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
