did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
