Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
