I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
