Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
