I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
