the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
