Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
