My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
me + whiskey = a bad person
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
