I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
