I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
