Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
