U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I met the friendliest cop last night
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
