you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
soo... how was my night?
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